Are you resisting the peace you seek?

One of my favourite clients 'graduated' this week...

She finished her final session in her latest coaching journey with me, and instead of booking more sessions, she – happily – said, “I’d like to reach out when I need you.”

We’ve worked together for a while, with differing levels of intensity and focus depending on what was going on in her life, and most recently, she’s found herself in the (hard won) position of feeling utterly content with her life.

Nothing to strive for. Grateful. Soft. Radiant. Connected to her husband. Earning great money. Happy.

She’s growing her business (she’s a dental practice owner) with fervour, but knows that those results don’t define her, so she’s free to play with the growth of her business without fearing failure.

Her Marriage is connected, passionate and supportive. They’re navigating life’s challenges as a team and communicating in healthy, authentic and mature ways.

When this state of contentment settled in for my client a few months ago, she came into her session with me agitated.

She was a bit suspicious of this peace and ease, and the absence of a need to strive for the next goal, being a fairly driven woman.

We talked it out, she could tell she wasn’t collapsed into apathy – she felt good – but there was still a confusion about where her familiar sense of drive had gone.

We paused our conversation and I reflected to her… “So it sounds like you feel really content in your life?”

“Well, yes!” she responded.

“What if that’s enough?” I asked. “What if you’re so used to some part of you moving from a spark of anxiety that you don’t know how to rest into enjoying pure, simple contentment when its here?”

I watched her whole face and body change as she considered just allowing herself to enjoy her life. To feel content and happy and satisfied.

I see this phenomena occur regularly with ambitious women.

Now don’t get me wrong – my client wasn’t discontent before, she wasn’t unhappy or doing badly.

But there was some subtle way a part of her was always seeking. Always driving her forwards.

This drive is a quality women are celebrated for, and yet, so often its compulsive and subtly trying to ‘fix’ her and her life instead of being born from a place of fullness and self love.

What happens in you when I suggest a state of feeling like there’s “nothing to strive for” is possible?

For many women, when I say those words, I notice a frisson of fear pass through their being. After all, who would you be if you weren’t relentlessly striving?

When you’ve lived a long time in a state of subtle nervous system arousal or high functioning anxiety, it becomes safe, known and predictable. You’re rewarded for being motivated and competent, so knowing there’s that little spark there to keep you going can be very reassuring.

For many women, when they finally unravel enough to find themselves feeling genuinely peaceful, relaxed and spacious, it can be disorienting because its as though the very ground they’re used to walking on has changed.

I want to invite, that on the other side of your familiar drive, is a state of contentment, satisfaction and passion-driven-action that although unfamiliar at first, is the very thing you’ve likely been yearning for as a hard working woman.

Within this state of contentment is the ability to get good rest without feeling guilty. It holds the knowing that you’re valuable and ‘good’, separate to the results you create. It’s a source of trust in yourself and life that means even when there’s challenges in life, you know how to handle them with grace.

I conducted a survey recently, asking ambitious women to share more of their life experiences, desires and challenges.

The number ONE thing my respondents said they wanted to create, was more peace, ease and relaxation in their lives.

If that’s you, too, then my question for you is this:

If that peace or contentment you yearn for showed up today, could you trust it? Could you let it in?

Yes, there is plenty to unravel and transform to create a successful and satisfying life, but SO MUCH of what really stops women having the life they desire, is your capacity to receive the thing that you most want. Your belief that you can have the thing, and then your ability to LET yourself have it.

Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.