As Within, So Without

Life has likely told you that to be a ‘success’ in the world you need to:

Take action
Be bold/courageous
Take Risks/Try new things
Be Assertive/Confident/Take Up Space
Develop yourself
Learn from your mistakes
Build resilience
Have a positive mindset
Have a great strategy

… and likely a whole bunch of other things.

This looks like a great recipe for growth and success, right?

Well, to me, it looks like part of the recipe.

In most leadership trainings, personal growth programs and business/professional development workshops, you’re going to find some kind of strategy for something on the list above or similar.

If you’ve been even remotely interested in how to intentionally grow as a human or professional, you’ve probably learned about mindset, writing a great after action report, sales cycles, public speaking techniques and leadership styles.

This stuff is readily available.

And it’s great!

Life has skilled you UP when it comes to these areas! 💥

So its no surprise that when you’re actively working at doing a whole bunch of these, yet still not getting to where you really want to go, you’d feel frustrated and confused…And like so many of the women I end up working with, might start to believe that there’s something wrong with you…

Enter, my Ambitious Woman’s Growth Cycle…

See, the ‘external world’, logical strategising, goal setting and action taking associated with growth and success, are only part of the picture.

There is also a necessary time to descend into a more Yin or internal orientation and posture. One of feeling/allowing emotion, softness, slowing down, attuning to yourself and just ‘being’ (as opposed to doing).

Yet, because life has likely skilled you for the ‘topside’ part of our world FAR more effectively than it has for this more subterranean element, SO MANY women are just not equipped to embrace this cycle.

Instead, women come to me in SUCH judgment of and resistance to their natural and necessary descent and the internal phases of this process, and telling themselves stories that:

They shouldn’t feel the way that they do
There’s something wrong with them/they are the problem
They ‘should’ be able to stay in a state of sustained productivity because they see others around them doing that

The truth is, they just need a different skillset.

One that life hasn’t yet taught them.

Skills like:

How to safely feel the full spectrum of their emotions
How to truly embody self love, compassion and empathy – not just as a passing and hollow affirmation, but as a bone deep belief
Valuing their how they FEEL as AS important as what they do, and then having their actions walk the talk of those values
How to connect with their erotic confidence and pleasure to nourish themselves
Feeling, knowing and advocating for their own needs
How to slow down and get genuinely meaningful rest without being plagued by guilt
And more…

Life is filled with swings and roundabouts, ups and downs.

There are times for kicking goals and taking names.

And then, there are natural times when you need to turn inwards. Failure, tiredness and reaching your capacity and challenging external circumstances can all be things that pull you towards a descent.

But, when you’re skilled in the internal phase of growth, you know that if you do this time well, you’ll be back in motion towards the things that are important to you in time, along with new wisdom gained from your time in reflection.

When you resist descent because you feel unprepared, afraid of the difficult emotions you might have to feel, or make it mean that you’re failing, your action becomes a hollow and desperate attempt to cling to control.

Women who hang out in that state are prime candidates for burnout…

So, wonderful Ambitious Woman, here’s my invitation for you!

I’d almost bet that you have more than enough shiny (and important!) tools in your kit for your ‘external world’ endeavours.

I invite you to get some new tools in your ‘internal world’ tool kit, and learn to use them well.

Do this as a matter of prevention, rather than waiting for the next time life is pulling you inwards.

As a wise friend once said to me, ‘How you care for your 1’s and 2’s will shape your life’. What he meant, was that you know how to be at an 8 out of 10 – it’s easy breezy fun to be on top of your game, but how you care for yourself when you’re at a 1 or 2, will determine how high you can reach.

Said differently, learn to nourish your ROOTS so your branches can grow tall. 🪴

Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.