Relationships are great magnifiers

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relationships are
great magnifiers

Relationships are undoubtedly one of the greatest sources of beauty and fulfilment in my life.


With a group of my dearest friends, affectionately called my 'Friendsfamily'.

Relationships (all kinds of relationships – friendships, co-creative working relationships, intimate relationships, familial relationships etc) are undoubtedly one of the greatest sources of beauty and fulfilment in my life.

They are also, one of the sources of the greatest suffering, challenge and pain.

Relationships are great magnifiers…

It’s natural to experience greater joy and laughter, when sharing those waves of joy and laughter with another. Touch deeper places of ecstasy, surrender and pleasure in union with another.

Deeper opening to love and gratitude exists in the sharing of a hand squeeze with a beloved friend than alone. Creative power between business partners or a team of people united under a shared vision is a thing to behold!

Similarly, relationships will magnify your insecurities. 

They will show you where you’re not taking responsibility for yourself, your needs or your commitments. They will reveal patterns of behaviour and your potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms that would otherwise remain hidden.

Relationships show you where you undervalue yourself, where you don’t trust people – and life. They show you your biases and preferences, your ego, the ways you expect too little – or too much.

It’s human nature to want connection. We are social creatures. Our systems atrophy when we don’t experience regular and meaningful skin to skin touch. Our biology and our psychology is literally designed to thrive in the crucible of rich, dynamic human relationship.

But if you want all the BEAUTY of human connection, you’ve got the be prepared to deal with the challenge, too. Sometimes this means clearing out the ‘old ways’ to create space for healthier patterns of relating if your early blueprints of relationship left you with habits that don’t support you to create the kinds of connections that you most want.

What relationship patterns are you ready to let go of, and what NEW relationship realities do you want to create for yourself?

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Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.

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