If the intersection of femininity and success were a real place, I think it’d look a lot like this, a lot of the time;
It’d be messy.
There’d be multi car pileups!
It wouldn’t be a particularly fun – or safe – place to hang out…
And I’m sharing it like this because I want you to get that THIS is what’s going on INSIDE MANY driven and ambitious women today.
There’s a hot mess of a crash going on between their ambitious nature, and their needs as a woman.
See, female bodied creatures have what I describe as a ‘feminine system’ – a cyclical hormonal system, a womb and vagina, a woman’s heart and emotions, and their psychology has (usually) been conditioned as ‘female’ in our culture.
This feminine system thrives under a specific set of circumstances;
- She needs to allow creativity, be spontaneous and relax.
- She’s a feeling, sensing, intuiting creature.
- She is nourished by pleasure and play and spaciousness.
- The feminine needs permission to feel and express the full spectrum of her emotional experience.
- She thrives in relationships that foster genuine closeness, authenticity, vulnerability and a sense of belonging and empathy.
When the feminine system receives these things – when a woman either gives these things to herself, or receives them from the world around her, she blossoms.
These are essential nutrients to a woman’s wellbeing.
However, many women today have been conditioned to pursue a different set of conditions or qualities – ones that support her to create success.
Let’s look at those;
- Success needs you to be measured, intentional and goal oriented.
- Success thrives with strategy, planning and decisiveness.
- When creating success, sometimes it’s very appropriate to put aside your emotional experience to get on with the job.
- Relationships that support success are often those that challenge and inspire you and hold you to account.
Now, let me be clear – neither of these lists are better or worse.
But can you see the problem??
Can you see why that intersection of femininity and success is SUCH a mess?
Imagine an ambitious, driven woman for me.. (maybe its you!)
She’s got goals that are important to her, success she wants to create, and she’s going out into the world to make it happen!
She’s ambitious, hungry for these outcomes to come to fruition.
She’s got a strategy, and clear goals, and accountability structures!
She’s got a to-do list and a productivity app.
She’s backing herself, staying focused, being bold and showing up for these things that are important to her!
She’s also likely juggling other demands of life – life admin, household chores, shopping and food prep, time for exercise and maybe caring for a family..
Phew!
At some point, the stress and tension she’s accumulated throughout the journey become too much, and she collapses into depletion and exhaustion.
Perhaps her body has gotten sick so she had to stop.
Maybe, this woman in our story decides she’s going to take herself off to Bali for a yoga retreat, recharge her batteries.
She’s rests. Unwinds.
Starts to regain a bit of energy and feel more like herself.
Slowly her aliveness is coming back online, and with it, her inspiration!
She’s feeling more and more energised again and it occurs to her, ‘You know what, I think I’m ready to go out and pursue those goals again! This time, I promise myself it’s going to be different!’
And so, the pendulum swings.
When that pendulum is allowed to swing for long enough, and wide enough.
Eventually, burnout.
I believe burnout is the Feminine System’s cry for help.
She’s saying ‘I have whispered in your ear for so long and you’ve ignored me.. now I have to scream’.
There are FAR too many driven and ambitious women today suffering from burnout.
But, I believe women can learn to hear those whispers before they become screams.
One upon a time, this intersection of femininity and success was my kryptonite, but it’s become my greatest passion.
I love the puzzle of harmonising the needs of my Feminine System and my drive with my life at large.
And I believe the path to having that is to learn to work, live and love LIKE A WOMAN.
Masculine qualities and traits are so important, and if you have a female body and you adopt that posture as a way of life you will suffer.
Yet these are the traits and qualities that driven women have been rewarded for, so if you want this to change it requires your attention and your intention.
When you harmonise your femininity and success, you will work differently.
You’ll do relationships differently. Scheduling and boundaries. Food, exercise and sleep. Parenting. Intimacy.
When your life is informed not just by your to-do list and your pursuit of success, but also by the needs of your Feminine System, everything changes.
