How would you most love it to be?

A powerful question!

But if you want to ask this question – of yourself and anyone else – in a way that genuinely moves and inspires you, it needs to be asked with context…

See, questions like this can so easily tap into the part of you that seeks to escape your current reality.

The part of you that believes there’s something ‘wrong’ with right now, and wants to seek something new to ‘fix’ you.

It can activate a form of escapism in the psyche of the person being asked.

‘Oh yes, please let me feel into this fantasy that helps me be far away from where I am right now.’

AND YET … It can also be very easy to get trapped inside a limiting narrative.

The protective parts of self that have seen your dreams be born only to die on life’s battlefield keep you safe by weaving a pervasive unconscious story that goes something like “nothing I ever do will change this” / “I’ll never really have what I want”.

This creates a person who is enduring life, but not really living.

And “how would you most love it to be?” can be such a powerful interruptor to these heavy protective patterns! Such a liberator!

In any person who seeks to grow their success in the world as well as their consciousness, you face two often opposing truths, the truth of your power, agency and choice – that you are a fucking potent creatively powerful being who can do great things! And, the truth of your fragility – that you are, at least in some ways, deeply sensitive to life’s ups and downs and not at all in control.

So when you ask this question, ‘How would you most love it to be?’ you have to be aware of which PART of you you’re speaking to!

Are you speaking to the part of you that knows your power?

If so, you’ll likely get an inspired response!

Or are you speaking just to the part of you that carries your vulnerability and past failures?

If so, you’ll likely find that this question feels somewhat offensive, insensitive and dishonouring of the tender parts of you…

Agency, choice, possibility… Fragility, fear, evidence of past failures…

We all contain the full spectrum of these qualities, its part of the human experience!

And to access the full power of a question like “How would you most love it to be?”, I suggest, that it needs to be asked with awareness of and LOVE for the vulnerable, AND a willingness to believe in something more.

When you develop your ability to hold both these “opposing” truths like this, what emerges is a quality of mature visioning and goal setting that takes ALL of you along for the ride.

When the women I’m working with really get this, I often see them change the way they vision their futures and create success in their worlds.

They slow down, get more honest with themselves and others, and start setting really high quality goals for themselves – goals that really turn them on. I don’t mean BIGGER goals, I mean richer goals, more meaningful goals. THEN they show up for pursuing those goals with a commitment and overflowing determination that can ONLY come when someone is no longer moving with an anxious need to avoid failure.

So, join me right now in asking a powerful question of yourself in perhaps a more grounded way than ever before…

Take a moment to stop, close your eyes and breathe into your belly.

Feel yourself – notice whatever is present. There’s no good or bad, just notice.

Feel into something that you’d really LOVE to create for yourself.

And notice the two different parts of you – the part thats like ‘fuck yeah lets go get that!’ and the part that says a version of ‘I don’t believe its possible.’

Take a few breaths here – just being in the presence of these two somewhat opposing realities within you. Depending on your life’s journey thus far and a variety of other factors, will determine how strong both these parts might feel to you.

Feel the part of you thats afraid to risk again, afraid to put yourself out there, perhaps exhausted by the relentless striving…

AND feel the part of you ready to believe in something more. Willing to feel the flames of your desire for your life flicker and grow.

NOW, ask yourself, “How would I most love it to be?”

Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.