Are you a Control Freak?

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Want to know whether you’ve got some control freak tendencies going on??
Hot tip - get yourself all up in a sling for a week! 😜

Sling

On a more serious note, I’m okay – I had a melanoma cut out of the back of my shoulder and I’m in a sling to support the wound to heal with as little scarring as possible. Fortunately having pale skin and lots of freckles, my dermatologist checks me regularly and picked this up early, so its the best possible outcome.

I haven’t written a blog in a LONG time!

Since my last post, a LOT has happened.  I re-launched this gorgeous new site.  I did some wonderful pro-bono work with some amazing upcoming female leaders.  I ran a round of the 13 week HER Mentorship, the last time that program will run in that format.  I joined a brilliant new business group in Melbourne and I’m enjoying the growth opportunities and learning it’s bringing.  I got engaged! 💍🥰 

We traversed winter here in Melbourne, and I’m actually writing this on the first day of Spring.

I’ve been promising myself to get back to the blog with more regularity, and it finally feels like time.  So here we are!  And I promise it won’t be such a big break between now and the next one…    xox

ANYWAY – back to wearing a sling – I’ve had a wonderful chance this week to see where I want things done MY way (read that sentence with a double helping of entitlement!)…

I’ve relinquished kitchen responsibilities this week, and have watched with curiosity the part of me that watches my fiancé in the kitchen and SO BADLY wants to tell him how it should be done.  The bigger knife is better for cutting, the scrubbing brush should be left on THIS side of the sink, you flip veggies in the frying pan like THIS – not like THAT! 🤯

WOW! 🙅🏼‍♀️

I’ve left the room a few times.  I’ve gently laughed at myself and taken some deep breaths.  I’ve (with consent) shared some genuinely useful suggestions…  Mainly though, I’ve felt grateful that I can see this pattern in myself, and that I can catch it before I criticise or otherwise try to control Philip while he’s stepping in to do something that would usually be my role.

I’ve felt so grateful, because So Many Women cause themselves MISERY getting stuck in this spot.

Guess what??

The idea that MY WAY is better than his?  Rubbish.

The idea that he isn’t a fully capable adult that will just ask me for a suggestion if he wants one?  Rubbish.

The idea that him doing it his way is going to in ANY WAY impact the outcome or my experience?  Rubbish.

This is all ego.  And all my tension to hold.

If I was unable to hold that tension, and therefore gave in to the impulse to try to control him, we both lose.

I can hold the tension though, because I’m practiced at meeting sensation (both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ sensation) through my body and being present with it.  This comes from regular meditation and embodiment practice.

These practices of anchoring into the body and feeling safe and available to feel LIFE in all its flavours, are so fundamental in my work with women.

You all know that it’s impossible to truly control another being, but for some reason, that doesn’t stop some people from trying, and causing themselves (and the people they’re trying to control!) a lot of pain.

What you CAN control, is how you respond to life.

But that ‘control’ doesn’t manifest as not feeling challenging feelings, or through clamping down on challenging emotions to try to snuff them out, it comes through being able to HOLD them, Feel them, and not abandon yourself in them.

If this is an area you need some support in, then join me during September when I’m hosting a free 14 day guided meditation journey.  It’ll guide you into your body and support you to start growing your capacity to hold that tension, in less than 10 minutes each day.  Learn more and register here.

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Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.

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