Desire & Gratitude

Desire and gratitude

“But I don’t only want that…”

I want a simple, slow, relaxing life, where I take time to sit and feel the sun on my skin and revel in the pleasures of cooking for a house full of great humans and gazing into smiling eyes. I yearn to intimately know and be known, and see and been seen by the people I love. I want to sit outside in my backyard as the afternoon fades, sipping quality coffee with a cat in my lap, reading brilliant books.

But I don’t only want that…

I want a mystical, spiritual life. One where I am close to the substance that is my own essence/soul and find peace and surrender and growth in that connection. I want to commune with the divine, and witness life unfolding around me for the miracle that it is.

But I don’t only want that…

I want a powerfully creative life! I want to test the limits of what is possible, and feel my aliveness coursing through my being. I want to see the ripples of impact from my contribution in the world around me, and create a rich, abundant life. I’m excited to evolve the way I work with my clients, and develop deeper wisdom and capacity.

But I don’t only want that…

I want a deep, rich, devotional partnership. I want a relationship where we bow to the holiness of one another’s souls, while also being flawed, bumbling humans together. I want sex that opens me to God and shatters my notions of who I am. I want to know what it is to co-create life, and grow old and wrinkly alongside a man I adore and respect and am cherished by. I want to be a wife.

But I don’t only want that…

I want an adventurous life! I want to be immersed in experiences that surprise and delight me. I want to fall to my knees in awe at this world and the people in it, and see and smell and taste new things. I want to laugh till I cry and dance till my feet hurt in far off places, with a passport fecund with interesting stamps.

But, I don’t only want that…

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The depth of my ‘yes’, my yearning for, and my commitment to each of these paths is intense.

At times, I’ve tried living in only one or a few of these streams. After a while of doing this, I inadvertently feel some version of out of integrity with myself, restless and stagnant or exhausted, and have to come back into balance.

The more I find ways to say a full hearted ‘yes’ to each of these, and to weave them into the day by day tapestry of my life, the more peaceful, alive, turned on, powerful, inspired, relaxed and congruent I feel.

Because of the depth of my ‘yes’ to these paths, it’s often easy for me to see how far I still have to go in each one…this is one of the calling cards of ambitious people – being able to see how far they still have to go on their path.

But when I stop to look at my life, I’m ALREADY living TREMENDOUS expressions of each of these visions!

It’s important for me – and all ambitious people striving to do great things – to remember to stop, receive and feel grateful for what IS here, what I DO have, proud of what I HAVE created, and how much my life is already a living example of 90% of what I described in that vision above.

If I live only in relationship with how far I have to go, or what I want but don’t yet have, my movement begins to come from a place of ‘I need to do this to get that’, which ultimately leads to burnout and exhaustion because you’re constantly chasing something you believe you need, and that this now moment is somehow ‘not good enough’.

When I’m in living relationship with and being inspired by my vision, but ALSO anchored solidly in my gratitude and pride for how far I’ve already come, I can move from a place of fullness, inspiration and genuine passion for my life and mission.

Gratitude and your ability to receive what is already here in your world are a fuel source for your life path.

Don’t deprive yourself of that resource because you’re so stubbornly focused on what still needs to be created that you can’t allow yourself to see the beauty that is right NOW.

Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.