How do You want to be Remembered?

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Recently I had a last minute plan change that left me faced with a whole afternoon unscheduled. I had some ‘outside hours’ clients to see that evening, but throughout the day, nothing.

It felt like such a luxury.

I no longer had to spend 2+ hours in the car which is what my previous plans required. I had no meetings. No pressing deadlines.

This is how my day looked… 🥰

My gorgeous boy Quince making the most of me being home for the afternoon by using my leg as a pillow while we both enjoyed some sunshine.
I decided to:
  • Move slowly
  • Sit in the sunshine
  • Let my mind be blank
  • Breathe deeply
  • Notice the beauty around me
  • Connect with a friend for a phone chat
  • Move my body in nourishing, pleasurable, relaxing ways

 

I’m sharing this specifically because of what a productive experience this was for me, despite the fact that I DIDN’T ‘use’ that time to clean the house or pull forward tasks from the following day to get ahead…

As I write about this, I can feel the conditioning pressing against me to justify how unusual this is for me, to prove that I do ‘work hard’ at other times or ‘take my business seriously’…

Fortunately, I’ve practiced catching the parts of me that want to spin the narrative that my production and ‘doing’ is the most valuable thing I have to offer the world…

 
Just this week I worked with a client who’s a partner in a law firm alongside being a wife and having two young children.

When she arrived in the session, she came in ‘ON’ – her whole being was wound up so tight, like she was just ready to jump into action on the next thing.

She has so much demand on her time and energy, I think she’d been in this state for weeks.

With my support, she slowed down and dropped into her body, sinking beneath the wound up energy and sense of momentum she was carrying.

Emotion moved: sadness, anger, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety…

But then, slowly, some softness, relaxation, peace. 

The chance to connect with herself and let in a sense of nourishment and care.

She shared with me later that that evening she connected with her husband in a more meaningful way than she had in a while, and was more patient with her kids and herself.

She left the session with a plan for how to cultivate this new state of peace, relaxation and self connection more consistently in her life and how to begin to notice and catch it when she kicks back into gear and gets wound up again. (Because she will).

 
Your state of being – the tone of your reality if you will – becomes habitual.

If you spend a lot of time wound up and ‘ON’ (which so many women do in business and the professional space today), you can easily get trapped there in ‘doing mode’.

Many women live here, fuelled by a belief that they don’t have time to stop, or that if they do, everything will fall apart. They often believe that a holiday is whats required to interrupt this energy of frenetic doing, so in the meantime until I can take one, I’ll just grit my teeth and endure this discomfort, white knuckling it to my next week in Bali…

But, as my client discovered the other day, and as is possible for You, a different state of being, a different feeling tone is available right now.

You just need to learn to drop through the layers of momentum to access relaxation and softness, and be willing to feel the discomfort and emotions you’re avoiding by not stopping.

It doesn’t have to take a half day, like I was lucky enough to get for myself recently – I help incredibly busy women weave practices into their lives to help them shape a new reality for themselves where they get to feel soft, relaxed and radiant without needing to deconstruct their lives.

So it IS possible.

I’ll leave you today with an inspiring quote I saw recently from psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs, and a simple but powerful question…

I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always exhausted. I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always stressed, always busy, always rushing, always holding herself together and pushing through. I would like to be remembered as a relaxed woman, a compassionate woman, a curious, joyful, pleasure loving woman. A woman who works hard and rests deeply, who loves fiercely and lives peacefully. A woman who knows her worth and her power, who accepts her imperfections and her vulnerabilities, who embraces her limitations and her possibilities. A woman who laughs and cries and aches and loves and is enchanted by the mess and magic and mundaneness of this beautiful, shimmering life.” 

How do You want to be Remembered?

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Never underestimate the power of your past. Because it’s not in the past. It’s here in this living moment with you – woven into your responses, choices and perceptions; baked into your nervous system and psyche through and reinforcement and repetition.

That doesn’t mean your past has to define you, not at all.

Though, you’re lying to yourself if you say ‘its in the past’, yet have done no work to clear the ripples of that past from your system to create space for something new.

Yesterday, in a session with my coach, I went ‘back in time’ to the end of 2020, when I went through an experience that was somewhat challenging for me.

Here is a sublime example

Despite acknowledging the challenge at the time, I realised looking back that I hadn’t fully resolved or digested what happened there.

Part of me stayed frozen in that experience, and on the subtlest of levels, I have gotten in my own way unconsciously ever since.

That past experience was with me in every moment. It informed my capacity and energy levels, choices and perceptions.

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings and gifts link example: and then move forward with your life.

„ QUOTE DESIGN: I CALL THIS PROCESS ‘DIGESTING’ YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, AND HAVE SPECIFIC PRACTICES I TEACH TO SUPPORT YOU TO DO THIS.“

I call this process ‘digesting’ your past experiences, and have specific practices I teach to support you to do this.

The challenges of the past – and your adaptations – can become like a cage you find yourself living in if you’re not aware, but this digestion process ensures your continued liberation…

Which past experiences do you need to free yourself from?

And this is how the past shapes us – you have experiences that your system ‘learns’ from, and you then – often completely unconsciously – adjust accordingly to avoid repeating painful or difficult events.

We are such clever adaptive creatures.

But, those ‘adaptations’ will inadvertently shape your behaviour, attitudes, thoughts and feelings in a way that can begin to inhibit your ability to fully show up for your business or career, relationships, and life in general.

If you bring the process of ‘learning’ from these past experiences into consciousness, you gift yourself the chance to mine the gold from the past, get the learnings.

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